He’s spoken to me about his espionage commitments and is simply too busy to keep this place up and running.  So soon… real soon… this place will be slightly different.

It’s a great pleasure to be asked by the mighty Vinster to take over the site and it’s one I’m looking forward to.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to visit here to date and long may you continue sticking your sticky beak in here.

yours in espionage!

Andy North

I do have a good reason.

PAPERWORK   

I hate paperwork. I am Secret Agent Vinny Bear 00V. I have saved the world from total destruction more times than I have have Lemon Meringue Pie from the Creamery in Hawes, Yorkshire ( If you have never tried their Lemon Meringue Pie then I suggest that you take a visit there and sample their wares. That is the Creamery at Hawes, Wensleydale, North Yorkshire ) but they still want paperwork for it.

Anyway back to PAPERWORK ! 

I really can’t see the point in doing it. If the job has been done then why do I have to write a fifteen page account of how I did it?  I did it and it’s done – finished – end of story … or so you would think but … oh no I have to write it all up.

Of course it has to be on the correct form:  

Form CI6A for crimes outside of Yorkshire.

Form C16B for crimes in Yorkshire.

Form C51X, for crimes involving jam doughnuts.

Form Wx 57D for any breakages and injuries.

Form 27XWZ  for expenses… and the list goes on.

I sat down and completed Form 27XWZ first – as I am rather skint at the moment and I need my expenses paid back to me so that I can  pay Ripley back for the money he lent me to pay for the charges occurred  during my last mission in Cleckheaton. ( Form C16B for crimes in Yorkshire needed to be filled in next!).

However they won’t pay up.

I am getting blamed for a rather embarrassing incident which happened whilst I was on a stake out at the local butcher’s shop, Cleckheaton.

The Butcher’s shop was being used as a stake out place as B.U.M.S.S. was monitoring the movements of Lady Frillybottom of Cleckheaton, who was smuggling shoes into the country, via the Pet Factory. Lady Frillybottom of Cleckheaton had a shoe collection of over 1,200 pairs of diamond encrusted shoes, which she had illegally obtained from all over the world. Now we had a tip off that fifteen new pairs of shoes were being shipped into Cleckheaton via the pet food factory.

B.U.M.S.S was monitoring every movement of Lady Frillybottom of Cleckheaton, from the cloakroom at the back of the Butcher’s shop on the high  street.

Me and Ripley were on the first shift. I was watching from the window inside the cloakroom. Ripley kept watch in the shop.

I went to check in with Ripley for any updates.

I turned the handle of the toilet door and it came off in my hand. I was locked in the bogs all night and  all I had for company was half a used roll of  toilet paper (cheap paper at that – the type that your finger pokes through on the first wipe) and a pair of Super Vision High Powered XWP Special Issue Binoculars©.

Ripley was on the other side of the door and, to be honest, he was pretty useless. He tried to pick the lock, but he couldn’t do even that simple operation. So this situation meant that I was going to be stuck there, in the loo, until the morning team came to take over.

Sitting on a toilet all night is rather boring, so to keep me occupied and to ensure that I didn’t starve of hunger, Ripley kept passing me their scrumptious meat pies through the window. ( He sneaked out of the front door and round to the back of the shop  and passed the goodies through the window).

Anyway back to PAPERWORK!

I filled in form  27XWZ

Anyway, them upstairs in the finance department won’t pay the bill, as they say that I could have climbed out of the toilet window. Fair point I guess. But it meant that I’m £1187.27 short this month.

I hate PAPERWORK!

I do have a good reason.

PAPERWORK   

I hate paperwork. I am Secret Agent Vinny Bear 00V. I have saved the world from total destruction more times than I have have Lemon Meringue Pie from the Creamery in Hawes, Yorkshire ( If you have never tried their Lemon Meringue Pie then I suggest that you take a visit there and sample their wares. That is the Creamery at Hawes, Wensleydale, North Yorkshire ) but they still want paperwork for it.

Anyway back to PAPERWORK ! 

I really can’t see the point in doing it. If the job has been done then why do I have to write a fifteen page account of how I did it?  I did it and it’s done – finished – end of story … or so you would think but … oh no I have to write it all up.

Of course it has to be on the correct form:  

Form CI6A for crimes outside of Yorkshire.

Form C16B for crimes in Yorkshire.

Form C51X, for crimes involving jam doughnuts.

Form Wx 57D for any breakages and injuries.

Form 27XWZ  for expenses… and the list goes on.

I sat down and completed Form 27XWZ first – as I am rather skint at the moment and I need my expenses paid back to me so that I can  pay Ripley back for the money he lent me to pay for the charges occurred  during my last mission in Cleckheaton. ( Form C16B for crimes in Yorkshire needed to be filled in next!).

However they won’t pay up.

I am getting blamed for a rather embarrassing incident which happened whilst I was on a stake out at the local butcher’s shop, Cleckheaton.

The Butcher’s shop was being used as a stake out place as B.U.M.S.S. was monitoring the movements of Lady Frillybottom of Cleckheaton, who was smuggling shoes into the country, via the Pet Factory. Lady Frillybottom of Cleckheaton had a shoe collection of over 1,200 pairs of diamond encrusted shoes, which she had illegally obtained from all over the world. Now we had a tip off that fifteen new pairs of shoes were being shipped into Cleckheaton via the pet food factory.

B.U.M.S.S was monitoring every movement of Lady Frillybottom of Cleckheaton, from the cloakroom at the back of the Butcher’s shop on the high  street.

Me and Ripley were on the first shift. I was watching from the window inside the cloakroom. Ripley kept watch in the shop.

I went to check in with Ripley for any updates.

I turned the handle of the toilet door and it came off in my hand. I was locked in the bogs all night and  all I had for company was half a used roll of  toilet paper (cheap paper at that – the type that your finger pokes through on the first wipe) and a pair of Super Vision High Powered XWP Special Issue Binoculars©.

Ripley was on the other side of the door and, to be honest, he was pretty useless. He tried to pick the lock, but he couldn’t do even that simple operation. So this situation meant that I was going to be stuck there, in the loo, until the morning team came to take over.

Sitting on a toilet all night is rather boring, so to keep me occupied and to ensure that I didn’t starve of hunger, Ripley kept passing me their scrumptious meat pies through the window. ( He sneaked out of the front door and round to the back of the shop  and passed the goodies through the window).

Anyway back to PAPERWORK!

I filled in form  27XWZ

Anyway, them upstairs in the finance department won’t pay the bill, as they say that I could have climbed out of the toilet window. Fair point I guess. But it meant that I’m £1187.27 short this month.

I hate PAPERWORK!

However I do have some other TOP SECRET  information that you might be interested in.

For weeks Big T has been making nasty and upsetting comments about my figure. He said my belly was too round and my double chin wobbled like that of a turkey when I walked.

He told me that I would have to cut down on the amount of food I ate. So now I use a knife and fork to cut my doughnuts into little tiny pieces… well that’s cut down isn’t it.

Big T wanted to know if I could touch my toes. Why would I want to touch my toes. The doctor doesn’t even want to touch them… he always puts on his rubber gloves when he is checking out my verrucas.

He wanted to know how far I could run. I asked him why did I need to run? I have a car- which gets me to where I want to go much, much faster than running.

He wanted me to start skipping. So I skipped yesterday’s early morning briefing and went to the Greasy Spoon instead for one of Bertha’s infamous fry- ups, followed by an infamous Barnsley chop.

I say whilst ever I can still pick the fluff out of my belly button, then my middle aged spread hasn’t spread too far yet.

Any way  back to the top Secret bit – I did get I little concerned that Big  T was looking to replace me with I younger, fitter model. I went into his office this morning and he was reading applications  from ‘want to be’ Secret Agents. I had a sneaky look at a photograph of one of the candidates.

Secret Agent Candidate- I don't like him already!

It will be on the website September 2011.

Keep your eye on the website for further details

love Vinny

Thunder Dog!

THUNDERDOG -the book is coming soon – released date 3rd September

Details to follow……….

Just to let you know that I am taking a well earned rest from detective work. I am going on my jollies for a couple of week to take in the sun, sand and chocolate.

Big T is concerned that I will not be in peak physical fitness when I return from my holidays, and that I must ensure that I get into the gym each day. I told him to stick his head in the……have a nice holiday!

Love Vinny

xxxx

PS Enjoy this YOU TUBE video – it is wonderful and the message is very powerful.

The designer – a young genius from Halifax, West Yorkshire, England.

Though still at school, Andy is never able to switch from designing and is always doodling. Agent Troy described him as a right doddler. Take a look in the Gallery  at his work.

Keep up the good work Andy

Love Vinny

Vinny-Camo Suit

LOVE VINNY

The best designs will be posted on this site, and the winner will receive a £5 book voucher (and a doughnut).

Thank you Mr Troy for letting the children design gadgets for me, instead of doing boring maths and writing.

Secret Agent Troy

Love Vinny Bear 00V

ME IN ACTION.....looking for doughnuts!