I have to apologise – but the book ‘Thunderdog’ will not be published until November. This is because it contains certain TOP SECRET information that has had to be removed for the security of B.U.M.S.S
However I do have some other TOP SECRET information that you might be interested in.
For weeks Big T has been making nasty and upsetting comments about my figure. He said my belly was too round and my double chin wobbled like that of a turkey when I walked.
He told me that I would have to cut down on the amount of food I ate. So now I use a knife and fork to cut my doughnuts into little tiny pieces… well that’s cut down isn’t it.
Big T wanted to know if I could touch my toes. Why would I want to touch my toes. The doctor doesn’t even want to touch them… he always puts on his rubber gloves when he is checking out my verrucas.
He wanted to know how far I could run. I asked him why did I need to run? I have a car- which gets me to where I want to go much, much faster than running.
He wanted me to start skipping. So I skipped yesterday’s early morning briefing and went to the Greasy Spoon instead for one of Bertha’s infamous fry- ups, followed by an infamous Barnsley chop.
I say whilst ever I can still pick the fluff out of my belly button, then my middle aged spread hasn’t spread too far yet.
Any way back to the top Secret bit – I did get I little concerned that Big T was looking to replace me with I younger, fitter model. I went into his office this morning and he was reading applications from ‘want to be’ Secret Agents. I had a sneaky look at a photograph of one of the candidates.